Airedale Transvestites

What’s in Aire valley waters
That makes Transvestites bad,
So crazily implausible
You think they must be mad?

I’ve no LGBT prejudice,
Each to their own say I
But why are our transvestites
So uneasy on the eye?

The clothes shops here are wonderful,
The shoe shops just as good
So smarten up Airedale TV’s,
I really wish you would.

Get lessons on your make up,
Do something with your hair,
Disguise that Adam’s apple,
Remove your facial hair.

Update your appearance,
Glamourise your style,
Make yourself believable,
Adopt feminine guile.

Instead you choose to clomp around
Like Navvies in a dress.
Blue shadowed chins and awful wigs
Make you look a mess.

OK guys, it’s up to you,
Your statement and your choice,
But make a little effort
And you’d have a stronger voice.

Aire valley water’s content
That makes Transvestites bad,
Really should be purified
So they wouldn’t look so sad.

Lynne Joyce 21.08.2016

A Night Out With The Boys

The boys night out is gathering,
You can hear it gaining pace
As they clutch their pints and down them
In a kind of race,
A race to drink much more than
The others in the crowd,
A race in which they all get
Objectionable and loud.

They are drinking and competing,
Its like pissing up the wall,
Games that little boys played
To prove that they were all
Possessors of a penis
That they valued more than brains.
Now they’re adult, they’re still brainless,
But the pee-nis still remains.

The boys night out is growing
In numbers and in sound,
Some are in the cognoscenti
While some others stand around
Uncomfortably peripheral
As if they just don’t care
To be among the idiots who
Are bellowing in there.

I am fascinated watching
This macho pantomime,
This performance by Neanderthals
Transported to my time
Their version now of grunting
Is laughing very loud,
Not because something is funny,
But to fit in with the crowd.

The boys night out has gathered,
And reached its final pace
They have all downed several pints now
In a pathetic race,
To prove that they belong within
This ballsy, macho set.
But I haven’t witnessed
One with real balls yet!

Lynne Joyce 26.04.2014

2014 Socialisation

I am very understanding
Of being with a crowd,
But why, when people do it
Do they have to be so LOUD?

Why, when in a restaurant
Do they have to SHOUT,
As if, when socialising,
Thats what its all about.

They are sitting close together,
Their bodies even touch,
So why then, when they’re talking,
Do they have to scream so much?

These are ordinary people,
Not exceptional or strange
So why can’t their verbalisations
Be within the normal range?

I hear their decibellows
In this socialising trap
And I wonder as I listen
Why the content is just crap?

They’re not talking, they’re competing
To command the centre stage
At a time when Narcissism
Is a symptom of the age.

Squawking instead of talking,
Empty chatter, senseless noise,
And sadly its indulged in
By girls as well as boys.

I am very understanding
Of being with a crowd,
But why, when people do it
Do they have to be so LOUD?

Lynne Joyce 25.04.2014