Drown the South

A parody of John Betjemen’s poem, ‘Slough’, written in 1937

Come global warming, drown the South,
With every southern blabber-mouth,
Make good ones move to Cockermouth,
Rise up, the sea.

Come water, submerge London town,
Rise up as City brokers drown,
And make the House Of Lords fall down,
For liberty.

Submerge the ancient seats of power,
Immerse Saint Paul’s and London Tower,
Stop Big Ben chiming on the hour,
Come cleansing wave.

Wipe out the chirpy, cockney lad,
The smug, the selfish and the bad,
But save the decent and the mad,
And free the slave.

Annihilate the legal firms
Who treat their junior staff like worms,
Charge clients on outrageous terms,
Dissolve their files.

Overwhelm the Dorchester,
The Ritz and the Astoria,
Or sweep them up to Manchester,
Two hundred miles.

Drown Londoners who do not know
About the North or where to go
Outside the City or Soho,
They have no worth.

Take from them their prosperity
And share it out more equally,
For geographic equity,
Enrich the North.

Allow those people to survive
Who know that human life can thrive
Beyond the choked M.25,
Keep them alive.

Come global warming, let them drown,
Who keep the wealth in London Town,
And hold the other regions down,
Let Britain thrive.

© Lynne Joyce, 11.06.2007



From ‘Animals, Friends & People’

Camels are lumpy creatures
With great big feet,
Camels have haughty faces
And in the street
They look down their snooty noses
And condescend
To patronise anybody
They apprehend.

Camels have high opinions
Of their own worth,
They seem to think they’re superior,
Right from their birth,
And yet when you look at camels,
You view with pity,
A horse that was dreamed up by
A design committee!