Noxious RelativeNoxious Relative

We all have them, be they family, friend or colleague, those who poison the notion of family, friendship or teamwork, the spoilers at the party, the snipers, the underminers, the vicious ones, the petty ones, the just plain mean ones, so you can tailor the title of this verse to suit! You may not carry out any of the actions suggested in this verse but I promise that just reading it with the person in mind will make you feel better!

When they manipulate or bully
And pretend to be OK
With your spouse or child or partner
You have to make them go away,
Though murder is illegal
In your country and your state
Strong doses of pesticide
Weed out things you hate.

So plant a dose of DDT
In their garden spray,
Some in their favourite tipple
Will make them go away,
Then judicious washing
Removes the evidence,
Go on, you can do it,
You know it makes good sense.

You could always hire a hit man
From somewhere quite obscure,
I hear they're very good at
The noxious person cure,
But ensure that you can blackmail
The hit man that you hired
So that he doesn't bleed you
When the money has expired.

Take them on a cliff side walk
Somewhere lonely by the sea,
Then push them off the highest point
Into eternity.
But before you do that
Fix your alibi,
Many many miles from there,
You can do it if you try!

Spread a vicious rumour
That the person's dealing drugs
Then have them disposed of
By rival dealer thugs.
You only have to tell them
That they stole their turf,
Then you leave it up to them
To remove them from this Earth.

If you know mechanics
Tamper with their car
But do it in such a way
That they don't know who you are.
Rubber gloves, they tell me,
Leave no fingerprint,
But beware of DNA
So leave not the merest hint.

Stabbing is too messy
Though it might be fun,
But killing from a distance
Is best done with a gun
And though snipers are expensive
It might just be worthwhile,
Especially if you arrange
To be distant by a mile.

Use your imagination,
See what you can do,
Maybe a touch of grease on
A boot or Jimmy Choo
Would have them skating wildly
In the shopping Mall,
Then make sure they're pushed off the edge
By a Mafia pal!

Maybe well placed ball bearings
At the top of lethal stairs
Will ensure their beneficiaries
Get access to what's theirs?
Then they'll celebrate their passing
In serious, solemn places,
All wearing heavy black veils
To hide their smiling faces!

When they manipulate or bully
And pretend to be OK
With your spouse or child or partner
You have to make them go away,
Though murder is illegal
In your country and your state
A carefully planned accident
Can remove the things you hate!

Lynne Joyce

Sent from my iPad